Yogyakarta in My Mind Eps 8

The way to my future

By Debby Zunta

            My cheerleading time  ended when I stepped into grade 12. I had done with all of that. It would become an experience and memories in future. The next journey was waiting for me.

            It was time to think about my future. I will not become a senior high school student forever. For me, it was the hardest time that I used to pass. What kind of person I will be? What kind of major I will get? What kind of job I will do? What kind of dream I will  have? What is my dream actually? How am I to make it happen?

            I had so many dreams. I ever wanted to become a lawyer, engineer, pharmacist, and a doctor, but I couldn’t be all of that. I was confused, What was my passion actually?  I am high performer in academic, but I don’t understand what major is suitable for me.

            I had to get a good major to get a good job. I had to get money and become rich. My mother and father wanted me to get into public school. The two main reasons are cheap in fees and it shows that I am a smart person.

            I have told you before that my school was a private school. I didn’t get any information about public university. One thing that I remembered I hated my counseling teacher. She offerred me a scholarship tenable in a Catholic university. It was a scholarship specially for Muslim student like me. I thought over it for many days and nights. Actually, I had collected all the information on it, but my heart was always against submitting it. My heart spoke to me that I had to get a public university. I asked  her about public university.

“ Why?  There is no public university expo in our school, miss.”

“ We don’t need to show them, Public universities need not be publicized here. Those universities are for students from public schools.” 

She never gave me any encouragement. Those words made me worry. What should I do to get that? I was sure that I could get a public university, maybe UGM or others.   I earnestly wanted to be a doctor. I knew that to become a doctor won’t be easy.

 I actually couldn’t think realistically. I was a financially poor student.  My parents were only farmers, but I could not be like my rich friends. They were not thinking about public universities but private universities. They had money to achieve their dreams even if they had to pay more for private universities. I thought that my parents could afford to have it for me, but when I consulted them, they could not give me any answer. They too were ignorant and did not understand about it. Poor me.

 I had to do everything by myself without anyone giving me the maps to escape from this confusion. I tried to join Neutron, a tutoring instutution. I hoped I could get some answers.

There were  ways of getting public university admission.

First, the SNMPTN way. It used our report books and also  your testimonies of any achievments. I didn’t understand about this. I chose faculty of medicine in UGM and USOED. I failed  My score might not be good enough for that. I was not too hopful going by this way. It was like you have to use your luck.

I was a little bit sad because there was my friend being granted a place in medicine faculty in Bali. Bali was too far for me. I needed to fly to get there. I didn’t have enough money for the flight fare. It was impossible for me to choose it. If I compared my score with hers, I had a bit higher than her, but it was not my way.

So, I decided to focus on the second way, SBMPTN. It was a paper based test. I had to study hard to get it. I chose UGM and UNSOED again. I chose faculty medicine and geodesy engineer. Yes it was a big contrast between medicine and geodesy.

During the waiting for SBMPTN announcement, I also joined some private unversity test. I got math science in SADAR University, but mamah disagreed and also I didn’t like the major.

But I think I was a dreamer without having any action. Again I  failed in SBMPTN. I only has last chance to get public university, MANDIRI way. It need more money to apply. Again, I choose UGM and UNSOED. In UGM I still keep my hope high in faculty of medicine and economic major, but in UNSOED I chose pharmacy. There was no result, I failed, I failed that year. I didn’t have any chance again. What should I do? Ending up as a repeat waiting for the next year to apply.

My dear readers. I was very sad and disappointed like a sailor on a boat without the rudder. In my moments of despair, I left it to my parents to decide. The agony and the anxiety made me cried until there were no more tears.  It had been a fruitless struggle.

What happened thereafter ….read on in Episode 9